a day of contemplation

It's a strange day today...it is a sunny Sunday, as a contrast to all the past rainy days.
I don't have anything to do in the museum, so I'm at the computer in the office playing my PSP and surfing the internet.
There is this sense of uneasiness in my heart for some reason...and because of that I am constantly thinking about my current situation and all the past events that were important for me in my life.

It's impossible to describe it...but it's probably the fear of what the future will bring - in my case the opportunities after EVS. When I finish my European Voluntary Service here in Estonia I will have no means of staying here because of either the money issues or the laws about non-European citizens.

The only way I could stay here in Estonia is to become a part of an NGO and build my career there, but it's quite difficult for a person only with a high-school degree.
On the other hand, if I return to Croatia - I have no possibilities for advancement whatsoever...and university in unavailable for me due to extremely stupid laws.

What would be my other options?
I know that, as I really like volunteering and believe that it is my future, I would like to move in that direction - to help people in the world, whether in Central America or Asia, it doesn't matter as long as I have the sense of fulfillment. But, why has the willingness to help other people become so expensive??
People today can't trust other people because they think and expect that some kind of fraud is in question!

And Europe as open as it is, is still extremely selfish and limited. I don't blame her that much though...because that is a reaction on keeping it's integrity as an effective union.

For instance, if it's strict laws regarding us non-Europeans (Balkan people - a.k.a. savages) would be more open-minded and thoughtful I would be able to afford myself studying in Slovenia and acquiring the European university diploma and then I would have far less problems concerning the future in the Union as an immigrant.

As only these huge programs like "Youth in Action" give non-Europeans (excluding student exchanges - because I'm not a student) an opportunity to broaden their horizons for the maximum of one year, but no further, and which you have very few choices available and most people return home. I believe it's true that only European citizens have the privilege to easily stay in their country of EVS residence after the service.

My question is: Why? Why do we have to be divided in two groups? Europeans-perfect citizens and Non-Europeans-potential terrorists (especially if they are from the Balkans)?
Because our countries did not complete all the chapters and are not members of the elite yet?
Well, for me that's absolute crap! It would be a lot better if one could choose where he wants to make his life, whether he is European or not, just with proving his motivations and reasons of doing so by an interview/examination...just like, let's say, the Japanese government does.

Well, what's done is done! I can't change anything by myself...so I guess I have to continue trying my best.
I know I will succeed in whatever I choose (in time), cause I believe in my capabilities and trust my instincts.
I say nothing against EVS, it's truly a great opportunity for acquiring knowledge and abilities, but Europe could have put some more effort in creating more long-lasting opportunities for all the young people (all!) and make our lives a lot easier...until we really join this "elite" called EU.

After next time, I remain Goran "limited-not-by-my-own-fault" Horvat !